How you can help

Last weekend I got a frantic text from the family of one of my son's friends.  Their daughter, who had had a liver transplant a few weeks ago was showing signs of rejection.  They were at the hospital and were wondering if their son could sleepover because they weren't sure how long they needed to be there.  I mean, we have been there, done that.  Long time followers of my blog know that my husband is very sick.  He has been really sick for the past 3 years and had 3 operations in 10 months.

I immediately said yes and as I was waiting from them to bring him over, it got me thinking.   Now we were by no means best friends, but we knew them from hockey and our sons go to school together.   I think the boys had had one sleepover before.  Were we their first choice?  They would have had neighbors who were closer.  They have a large extended family.  Where were all their close friends? We had never even gone out as a couple (they have recently split).  I had never stopped round for a drink. So as I pondered their choice, I realized that what had happened to us, had probably happened to them.  It also happens to a lot of families with children with special needs.

Slowly, or sometimes fairly quickly, depending on the type and severity of what has happened, your friends and a lot of times your family, stop coming round.  They stop calling.  They stop dropping by. I don't think they mean to.  It just happens.  They don't know what to do. They don't know what to say.  So it's easier to just stop altogether.

If something happened in your family today, something where you needed a helping hand from someone, would you have someone that would help you?  Would they still be there a year from now? Twenty hospital visits later?  In the middle of the night when you have to rush to the hospital and need someone to watch the other children?  Would you be there for someone else?

Take a step back and have a look at the families of the special children in your class or someone you know that has a spouse with a chronic illness.  Can you tell that the mother is working on fumes because she's been up all night due to the fact her child doesn't sleep and yet she still has other children to care for and job to go to?  Does someone snap at you or seem snarky because they have had to fight day after day to get services for their child and whatever you said was the straw that broke the camels back, even though it had nothing to do with you?

Over the years when I've gotten my class list for the fall, I've sometimes gotten notes that a particular family may be difficult to work with, demands too much, or may be just plain old mean and miserable.  Nine times out of ten, most of these families have been through so much in the 3 to 5 years that their little one has been around that it's finally taken a toll on their emotional well being.

For example, for the most part I'm the most easy going person around.  After my husbands second surgery, he was in critical care and due to some miscommunication, they wouldn't let me in to see him.  By this point, I was running on fumes due to lack of sleep and the situation at hand.  Well, I had a complete meltdown in the hallway of the hospital. Am I normally like this?  No.  But to this day, I'm known as the "difficult wife" who threw a fit in the CCU.  I still to this day start to get a panic attack when he's in the hospital with the thought that they won't let me see him.

Our prior experiences make us who we are today and that may have not been who we were a year ago.

So how can you help?  How can you make sure that this doesn't happen with someone you know? Here 5 tips that might help if you don't know what to say or do.

Offer to do something that needs doing around the house, like cutting the grass or walking the dog. How about the weeding the garden? Making lunches for the children to take to school?  These are all things that get overlooked when you are overwhelmed.  If the person refuses, do it anyway and surprise them.  They may think that they are imposing on people or that people will think of them as weak or not able to handle things if they are not doing everything on their own.  If you are dropping off food, make sure it's something that just needs heating up.  The last thing you feel like doing after returning from the hospital with a sick child or spouse, is trying to figure out what to feed everyone.

If you go to visit someone and they are not in the mood to either socialize or talk, don't be offended.  Sometimes there is only so much you can deal with in a day and once you have hit that limit, that's it.  My husband has often said things that people have taken offense to because he was trying to hide the fact that he was in so much pain.  When people are at their limits or are on heavy medication, the filter attached to their mouth may not be working to filter their emotions in socially acceptable ways.  Don't take it personally and don't be angry with them.  Realize that they are dealing with a lot and need empathy and understanding not judgment and criticism.  Come back another time, don't stay away because of one bad visit.

When you come to visit, be mindful of what you say and talk about.  If someone has been in and out of the hospital for years or is dealing with a sick child and endless doctor and healthcare visits, they may be resentful if you are talking about your latest trip to Hawaii, your brand new car, or your latest trip to the spa.  Grabbing a shower or throwing on clean clothes can sometimes be a huge accomplishment.  Take your cues from the people you are visiting.  If you can tell they are becoming upset with what you are saying or seem uninterested with the pictures of your latest trip, then move on.  You don't have to keep up an endless stream of conversation.  Sometimes just being there showing your support is enough.  Don't be upset if the medical issues of the child or spouse always seem to dominate the conversation.  Remember, when that's all you know, that's all you have to talk about.  Don't tell the person to stop "talking about it" or to "get over it" and "move on with your life". If you stopped by to visit to support your friend or family member, then support them.  Don't belittle what they are going through as unimportant.

Especially in the case of the caregiver, make sure that you are prepared to help if you offer.  I had so many people tell me "make sure you are taking care of yourself" but no one actually did anything.  I had people tell me that were "disappointed" that I didn't come to a particular function or tell me that I just "need to get out and take a break".  But no one actually came to watch my kids and husband while I left for a bit.  He wasn't capable of taking care of himself let alone watching the children.  They didn't understand that I couldn't go to their party because who would hook up my husband's IV or help him change his ostomy bag.  Was I suppose to leave him at home suffering while I went to the spa to relax?  The guilt of doing something enjoyable can become overwhelming.  The same is true of families of special needs children.  If you offer to help, learn to work some of the specialized equipment or procedures that are necessary so that the caregivers can have a break.  Don't just tell them they need to "get out more".  It's very hard to find babysitters that have medical training.  If you invite them to something, like a birthday party, or at Christmas, know that if they say yes, you may have to do a lot to accommodate them.  There may be an issue of accessibility into your house, a lot of equipment involved or the mental anxiety that comes with being afraid of something happening when you are out of your environment.  Be honest about your feelings, let your other guests know that they are coming so that everyone can welcome the family in what might be a very difficult time in their life.

Don't forget about the siblings of children with special needs or the children of someone with a chronic illness.  They are in our classes and what is happening at home is affecting their school life.  Both of my children went to school the days their dad had surgery.  It would have done no good for them to stay home and worry all day.  I let their teachers know and they were on the lookout for any unusual behaviour.  Be aware of what is going on at home in the lives of your students.  It might explain a lot.  Offer to listen and be a shoulder to cry on.  Know that they may not be getting the same experiences at home that other children are getting.

If you have gotten this far, then thank you for reading.  This is a topic that is near and dear to my heart.  Don't walk away from the people that need your help.  Instead, find out how you can help support them.

Father's Day Gift Freebie

In a couple of weeks it's Father Day and I thought we would get a head start on our gifts.

I started with plain jars I picked up at the Dollar Store.

I found ones that had a large flat top. 

 I printed out the labels and had the children cut them out.

I have a sticker machine and it is fabulous for running the labels through.  They come out sticky on the back and are then easy to adhere to the jar.  If you don't have a sticker machine, you can use regular glue.

We used some Core vocabulary to talk about what we doing as we went along.   Here we were talking about putting the nuts in the jar.  This communication board is available for free on the Minspeak website.

After we added the nuts, the children added their names to the top of the jar.

To grab your free labels and directions, click on the picture below.

Tips to a Kindergarten Teacher

It's hard to believe but I've only got 3 weeks left in school.  I'm right in the middle of report cards, IEP's and end of the year celebrations.

At point in the year, most teachers know what grade they teaching next year and if you are just joining kindergarten, this post is for you.

I'm joining Sharing Kindergarten to offer some tips for kindergarten teacher from a kindergarten teacher.

The first tip may seem like an odd one but in kindergarten we not only get children who have never been to school before, but we also have parents that have never "let go" of their children before.  Kindergarten can be a huge step for parents in placing their trust in YOU, their child's teacher.  If the child has special needs, this may be an even bigger leap of faith.  So my first tip to you is to also nurture your parents.  Go the extra mile to reassure the parent that may be overly anxious.  Don't forget, they may be new to this too.

Tip two will help you avoid problems as the year goes on.  Set down the ground rules right from the get go and follow them.  Let the children help you decide what should be part of the rules.  You want to avoid as many behaviour issues as possible.  When the children know that you will be enforcing the rules, you will be surprised at how smoothly your class will run.  For special needs students, they may need explicit teaching of the rules, social stories, or modelling before they understand what is expected of them.

In kindergarten, it's important to have a routine and follow it.  Special needs children thrive on structure and knowing what comes next.  That doesn't mean you can't have choice, just make sure it's within a schedule.  You may need to make a visual schedule with pictures they can remove when the activity is done.

This is the most important tip of all.  Have Fun!  Kindergarten children are so much fun and they say and do the funniest things.  Enjoy every minute of them.  Remember, you are their first experience with school and you set the tone for all the teachers that come after you.  Set the bar high.

Check out the posts below for more great tips.

An InLinkz Link-up

Bright Ideas - May

Non slip mats are an essential part of a special education class that has children with physical disabilities and low tone or poor fine motor skills. This is a non slip mat that can be purchased inexpensively at the Dollar Store.  It's easy to cut into any size you want.

Here are a few ways we use it.

For children with low tone, they often have trouble staying in their seat.  These are the kids that keep sliding out.  A little square on the seat under their bum helps them stay put.

A little square under bowls and plates, stops them for sliding around the table while children are trying to eat.

We roll up a small piece around a pencil to make a pencil grip.  You can make it as thick as you want.  The texture gives feedback to those who need it.

Putting a piece under toys and games will help them stay put while children are using them.  This was our egg spinner from Easter.

The last tip I have for you is to use it use technology.  I keeps the laptops and ipads on the table and off the floor.

If you enjoyed this post, please consider following my blog, facebook or TpT store.

For more bright ideas from 150 different

bloggers, please browse through the link-up

below and choose a topic/grade level that

interests you. Thanks for visiting!

An InLinkz Link-up

Zoo Interactive Readers

Last week we took a trip to the zoo.  I love the zoo.  There is so much to see and do.  There is so much language that can be used to describe the animals and most zoos are fairly accessible for mobility issues.

I decided to redo my zoo interactive books as they were one of the original ones I made and they were in need of updating.

If you have already bought this from me, please go and redownload.  It now contains an extra book and 4 mini take home books.

This is the third book.

This book requires the child to pick the correct word to put in the sentence.  I usually do this book after we have read the first book (it's not interactive) so that the child "really" knows the story.  I use Velcro to keep the words in the book.

Here's a sample of what is the in the rest of the books.

Click on the picture below to grab this for half price until the end of the week.

Bee flash cards and freebie

We are still working on our Bee theme and as we near the end of the year, we've been working on practicing our adding and subtracting.

I redid my bee flash cards with updated graphics and fonts and the kids love them.

Since I did adding and subtracting, I figured I may as well make multiplication and division cards as well.  

Scroll down to the bottom to grab the division set for free.